Tag Archives: attitude

The Guest House – a poem by Rumi

09 Wednesday Mar 2016

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The guest house

Happy “hump day” to every one. I hope everyone has had a good week so far.

For people who know me or have been following my personal posts on this blog, you would know that in addition to being a book addict, I am also a bit of a music junkie.

On Sunday night, I came across a Facebook video which was posted by a pilot friend of mine, who has a habit of posting videos of himself driving to work. So I played this particular video and there was this song playing in the background which I instantly liked. I started to type a comment to find out what the title of the song was, when I remembered that I could “Shazam it”.

I instantly opened the app, and found out that the song was, “A Head Full Of Dreams” from Coldplay’s new album. Within five minutes, I had downloaded the entire album on Spotify and I haven’t stopped playing the album since then. Now, I listen to it every chance I get.

One of my favorite songs from the album is a short song titled, “Kaleidoscope” which begins with the voice of a man reciting some words, and is then followed by the voice of another man singing “Amazing Grace”. Naturally, I became curious and wanted to find out what the man was saying, so I consulted Google. To my utmost surprise, the man singing was none other, than President Barack Obama.

I also found out that the words were an excerpt from a beautiful poem by Rumi (above). I hope you find it as insightful as I did.

Enjoy the rest of your week.

Love,

Chika

Image credit: http://genius.com/Coldplay-colour-spectrum-lyrics

Addicted to Perfection

03 Thursday Dec 2015

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perfection
December is finally here! I can’t believe that it has been almost 5 months since I wrote my last blog post. “Where has all the time gone?” I keep asking myself.
You would remember in my last post I wrote about the crowdfunding campaign for my new novel, “Twisted in a Positive Way”. The campaign was successful and even though I didn’t hit my funding target, through the campaign, I was able to generate a lot of publicity and interest for it. It was finally published and is available for purchase on Amazon in both kindle and paperback format in the UK click here to buy, and the US click here to buy .

I would like to use this opportunity to say thank you once again to everyone who pre-ordered and spread the word on the campaign. I am humbled by all the feedback I have received so far. One of the funniest feedback I received was from a reader who said that she was quite cross with herself for leaving the book at home for one day and couldn’t wait to get home to continue from where she stopped.
If you have read the novel, please feel free to leave a review on Amazon website stating that you purchased the book through the crowdfunding campaign by clicking here.
Moving away from the subject of my novel, I had a discussion earlier this week with my friend who I would call John. Let me tell you a little bit about John.

John is a nice guy, has a good job working in one of the essential services here in England. He earns a very decent salary, has a nice two bedroom house and drives a good car. To everyone, John lives a comfortable life.
In reality, John is not a happy man because he feels he is overweight. This feeling has affected his ability to speak to women and has caused him to lose his confidence because he feels that they would not find him attractive on account of his weight.
Now, in the time I have known John, I have never really noticed the extra pounds. All I see is a nice, funny, hardworking and blessed young man.

When I got home that night, after my meeting with my friend, I pondered how we humans seem to constantly be obsessed with our idea of perfection. Like John, we think about the things we feel are not perfect in our lives and end up forgetting all the wonderful things we have going for us.

The TV and print media have not helped with this, every day we are bombarded with photo shopped bodies and filtered images subtly telling us what we should look like. Even when we are not are not trying to look like the models and characters on TV, we find ourselves sometimes comparing ourselves to our friends and colleagues.

Thinking about this reminded me of a story I heard years ago. A young man had sought a job for months and finally he got his dream job with the exact pay he wanted and was so happy. He called all his friends and told them of his news and they all congratulated him. He continued in this state of happiness until he spoke to one particular friend. This friend like others, congratulated him and asked him how much he was to be paid. Out of curiousity, he too asked his friend what his salary was. After the phone call, his mood changed because he realised that his friend was making more than him. The fact that he had sought this job for months did not seem to matter. He was no longer happy about it.

Perhaps it is time to stop this neurosis and start recognising all the numerous blessings we have. Whenever you find yourself thinking those gloomy thoughts, consciously stop yourself and instead, think of three things in your life which you are thankful for and dwell on those things instead. They may not be massive things. You could even be thankful for the nice cup of tea you just had, knowing that someone out there is craving for just that and cannot get it. Perhaps you could be thankful for the fact that you just had a nice hot meal knowing that someone out there would gladly swap places with you if they had the opportunity.
Now, I am not saying that you should adopt a lackadaisical attitude to life and not seek self-development and improvement, what I am saying is that it is better to take these steps towards improvement from a place of gratitude having it at the back of your mind that there is no such a thing as perfection.

Thank you for reading and please feel free to leave your comments. I look forward to reading them.
Love,
Chika

Image credit: jarofquotes.com

Telling Great Lies

26 Sunday Apr 2015

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telling great lies

I know that a number of people who come across this title would wonder what I mean by the title. Years ago, I read the book, “Retire Young Retire Rich” by Robert Kiyosaki where came across the concept.

This has to do with the kind of words we say to ourselves. I found out that when one makes a statement such as “I can never have enough money” or “I can never be rich” or “I can never be happy” that these statements are actually lies because they are not based on actual facts. They have not been to the future to confirm that they can never be those things, so basically, they are lying.

This same principle applies to a situation where one makes a statement such as “I will be very rich in future” or “I will pass my exams” or “I will be happily married”. They have also lied.

However, the truth is that anything you say about yourself will eventually become a reality in future. This means that these lies you tell about yourself, if told over a long enough period of time, would eventually come true. This is because those words are planted in your mind and begin to affect your actions and your future is a result of your actions based on the words you have spoken to your mind.

So when one makes a statement such as “I cannot have enough money”, what happens is that the person’s mind picks up the message of poverty and transmits it to the brain and it sits there, such that when an opportunity to make money arises, the mind shuts off itself from this opportunity thus causing the person to remain at that same level of poverty or perceived lack of prosperity.

The same applies to when a person makes a positive statement such as, “I will be very rich”, the person’s mind picks up the message and the brain continues to work out ways for the person to become rich such that when an opportunity to make money arises, the brain immediately picks it up and the person takes advantage of the opportunity.

Taking all these into consideration, I believe that it makes a bit more sense for me to live a great life which has come about through the telling of positive lies I have told in the past about my future than to have a life filled with pain and sadness as a result of negative lies I may have spoken into my future.

I am not saying that telling lies with the intent to deceive is good, but when it comes to our future, we should watch the words we use because our words do become a reality.

Just as Christians believe that the world was created through spoken word, we as humans have this immense power in our spoken word because we are a product of the superior intelligence that created the world.

Telling great lies in practice is very easy and costs very little, if anything. However, its benefits are amazing as it helps to shape our future and keeps us in a great mood.

So my advice is this,  next time you feel down and negative thoughts fill your mind, just watch yourself and spot when those negative lies are about to pop out of your mouth. Stop yourself and consciously choose instead to speak positively.

Make positive speaking a habit and watch your life and your outlook about life change for the better.

Have a fulfilling week ahead.

Chika

The Power of Association

20 Monday Apr 2015

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the power of association

This is a repost from a blog I had about a decade ago. Even though it has been a decade since I originally wrote this, I believe the lessons are still very valid for the times we are in…

Read below;

This topic has been on my mind for a while but no introduction ever seemed to fit. It was not until this morning, I was trying to wipe water that spilled on the floor. I had my bowl of water and my mop, and then my mind did a flash back to a HIV advert I watched on MTV about a year ago. Two young guys were about to go diving. The first guy insisted on going in with their safety gear. His friend said, “No we always go in with it, there are no sharks around. Let’s just go in this once without it.” The guy still argued with his friend a bit but finally his friend convinced him and they both dived in without their safety gear. True to the way life usually works out, they both got eaten by sharks.

It is a fact that those we constantly associate with have the power to either add to us or subtract from us. When we constantly interact with people, before long, we find ourselves beginning to act, speak and think like them.

If your inner circle is made up of people who constantly and without fail, sit around and engage in idle chat and gossip, while arguing about non-issues, before long, you would find yourself doing the same.

On the other hand, If your inner circle is made up of people who are focused, driven and serious minded, you too will have no choice but to be like them.

There have been a number of literature that have been dedicated to explaining the impacts of friendships and associations. The Bible also supports it in Proverbs 13 vs. 20 which states:

He that walketh with wise men shall be wise but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

I like to believe that there are 5 different kinds of friends. They include, Refreshers, Refiners, Reflectors, Reducers and Rejecters. Below is a brief explanation of each category;

Refreshers: These are friends or acquaintances who strengthen your faith, encourage and energize and motivate you towards achieving your goals and vision. They too have big dreams and share a similar vision with you. When you interact with these people, your energy level goes up and you stay inspired.

Refiners: This group of people clarify your vision. After interacting with a refiner, you leave the room feeling more energised and with a clearer definition of your vision. They are very similar to the refreshers.

Reflectors: This group of people neither add nor subtract from you. They only mirror your energy. You have a great time interacting with them but you do not feel that you have learnt anything new, neither do you feel worse off. Most work colleagues fall into this category.

Reducers: These are people who actively/unconsciously try to diminish your goals and efforts to bring you down to their comfort level. Most of the time, they are people that are too afraid to see beyond their present situation and they get uncomfortable when they see someone with a large vision. You find out that, after interacting with such people for a long period of time, you feel like your energy levels are down. Perhaps you may feel some feeling of dismay after a long period of interacting with these individuals.

Rejecters: These are people who do not understand you or what you are trying to achieve. They keep criticizing everything and do not attempt to understand. After interacting with a rejecter, you may feel a sense of discomfort and lack of peace.

I believe that it is very easy to categorise your friends and acquaintances into the five categories stated above using their word patterns and reactions to concepts and ideas you come up with. It is now your responsibility to consciously decide who you want to keep in your life and who you need to perhaps not have that close association with if you know that they are/may become hindrances to the fulfillment of your dreams and vision.

I hope this has blessed you as much as it has blessed me.

Have a fulfilling week ahead.

Love,

Chika

Standing Still

21 Saturday Mar 2015

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standing-still Fairly recently, l took on a new role which involves a lot of commuting. A number of friends and acquaintances believe that the number of hours I spend on the train is a bit too much and some of them have stated out rightly that they could never see themselves ever doing this for a job. Personally, I am thankful for the experience because I believe I have learnt a lot these past few months. A whole lot I must say. The thing I enjoy most about commuting is that it provides me with time to think while doing a bit of people watching and writing. In this present day when we are constantly bombarded by social media notifications, phone calls, WhatsApp messages, text messages, BBMs and all other forms of modern day distractions, it has become quite a luxury for me to be able to set aside time to just clear my head and ponder about everything from life plans to trivial matters such as what I am going to have for dinner. Actually, scratch that, dinner is not trivial for a self professed foodie like me. Thankfully, this is where the gym comes in…when I can drag myself there. Lol…Pardon me, I digress. Back to my point… Being able to mentally eject oneself from all these distractions is what I refer to as standing still. Standing still for a period of time, be it 10 minutes or up to one hour in my case, i.e. a time when you can just sit, lie, stand, bend or take up any position that pleases you to ponder, allow your mind to wander while visiting/revisiting your goals. You know those goals I am referring to, those ones you have told yourself that you just have not got the time to think about because you have been so busy. You could stand still and think about these alongside everything and anything else. You could decide to reflect on the past, your childhood days or even embarrassing moments (I know I have had my fair share of them). Any wholesome thought goes within this period of standing still. I usually end up feeling a lot more grounded than I would otherwise have felt if I were constantly checking my phone and getting distracted by God knows what else. A greater feeling of control and peace usually engulfs me after my “standing still sessions”. Maybe this is what yoga does. I believe both concepts are the same because they both provide one with some time to eject oneself from modern day distractions. It is okay if you are reading this and thinking, “This is total bonkers”. However my suggestion to you would be, why not try it out and if after a few sessions, if you come to the conclusion that this is not for you, then at least you know one more thing that does not quite work for you. I personally have benefited so much from standing still and I strongly believe that if you actively and consciously practise this, you would be pleased at how much mind work you can get done in this period of sober reflection. Till you read from me again, keep keeping on. Image credit: nicktyrone.com

Making Hay Before the Sun Shines

08 Sunday Mar 2015

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making hay

The inspiration for this post came to me about 3 months ago.

I was on my way to work having got on my regular train into the city. However, on this day, the weather was not very friendly and as a result, my train got delayed. As you can imagine, there was a mad rush of people whom I suspect also had delayed journeys, milling into the centre, trying to make a dash to their destinations.

As I walked on, I got to a set of traffic lights, pressed the button and stood there, with my headphones on, slightly oblivious to my immediate environment, while waiting for the traffic light to turn green. I was getting particularly engrossed in “Drifting” by Enya when I was jolted into reality by a loud scream and the blaring of car horns.

Naturally, I pulled out my headphones from my ears and looked in the direction of the noise and all I saw was a woman running across the road. In her mad rush, she had crossed the road and just narrowly missed being hit by a car.

Of course everyone was relieved that she didn’t get hurt and some older people shook their heads but the funny thing that happened was that about 10 seconds later, the light changed to green for pedestrians to cross and the rest of us crossed the road.

As I carried on walking past shops on my way to my office, so many thoughts crossed my mind. I kept wondering what would have happened if this woman in her blind haste had been hit by the car. “What if she had waited for about 10 more seconds?”. I believe she would have crossed the road in a much more comfortable manner without having to put herself at the kind of risk she did.

This got me thinking about life in general, “Are we too hasty to go from where we are to where we want to be?”. “Do we in our haste to achieve goals, blindly rush off going after opportunities and taking decisions which in hindsight turn out to be a big mistake?”.

I have seen so many instances where people have rushed off to quit their jobs or relationships based on the promise of an amazing new position or partner elsewhere, only to find out that they may have been better off if they persevered a bit or left after giving it a bit more time and thought..

This is not to say that anyone should stay in an environment that constantly robs them of their joy. My point however is that, perhaps if we gave our actions a bit more thought, we would pursue these new opportunities in a more organised and strategic way which usually have a higher chance of success than if we dashed out like the woman, endangering our lives in the process.

Are we making hay even before the sun shines? Think about it…

Image credit: shutterstock.com

Declutter for a better life

08 Sunday Feb 2015

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declutter-better-life

“When you grow up and learn a few things, you are no longer afraid of letting go… no longer afraid of the unknown” – Beyonce

I found this quote on the Facebook page of one of my secondary schoolmates and added my bit to the original quote, which now goes thus;

“When you grow up and learn a few things, you are no longer afraid of letting go… no longer afraid of the unknown and that’s when magic usually happens.” – Chika Efobi

The idea for this post came to me about 6 months ago when I was “spring cleaning” my room. Those who are close to me would know I am a kind of hoarder. Hoarder, not in the sense of not being able to bin/ let go of personal items, but in the sense that I tend to keep personal items such as jewelry, shoes, etc. in their original packaging and in cases of items I use more often, I save their boxes in case I need them in future for moving house etc.

On one hand, the practice means that most of these items are in near-perfect condition with resalable value for if/when I want to sell them on eBay or give out to family/friends. On the other hand this means that my personal space is always filled with boxes of varying sizes, occupying space, marking time for when I decide to get rid of the items. This has gone on for years and sometimes I end up forgetting that some of the items even exist until when I actually need them.

So on this day, six months ago, I decided to take on the task of de-cluttering my personal space and what a task it was! Boxes got thrown out, pieces of jewelry got rearranged and old shoes went. I even found a box for a pedometer, which I hardly use (I wonder what I was saving that one for…lol).

When I finally finished clearing out the boxes, I looked round my space and it felt airy, clean and light. It certainly smelt a bit better too! (not like my space smells…hey stop that thought!) People who have ever de-cluttered would know what I mean.

This got me thinking about life in general, “Are there people we are holding on to that do not necessarily add value to us?” Do we have friends and people in our lives that do not do anything for us but take up space and crowd our lives with unhelpful words, drama and negativity? Are we holding on to someone similar to that pedometer box which did absolutely nothing for me? Perhaps this is the time to let go, cut them off or even let them know how they could start adding more value?

Perhaps, the first step could be to have an honest conversation with yourself, after which you should be able to identify which friendships and relationships, which you should cut off to make your life less complicated and more beautiful.

Don’t get me wrong, this process is not in the least easy. It may seem painful, especially if you have convinced yourself over a period of time that you need these friendships/relationships but trust me, once you have done this exercise, you would experience some kind of peace which passes all understanding.

I hope you have a fulfilling week.

Love,

Chika

Image credit: http://www.simplify101.com/

Secret Santa

18 Sunday Jan 2015

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secretsanta

Wow…I just realised that it has been more than a year since I made my last blog post. Where has all the time gone? Happy New Year everyone.

Let me start by rendering a huge apology to all my readers who I disappointed with my long absence. I got calls and messages regarding posting new articles but for some reason, I let life get in the way. I must do better this year.

This post was inspired exactly one month ago right around Christmas by my office Secret Santa event.

For those who are not aware, Secret Santa mostly takes place in offices or among groups of friends and usually involves each member of the group picking out a name from a hat and then buying a little gift for the person whose name was picked out of the hat. After which the gift is secretly placed into a bag and shared out during the office Christmas party or get-together.

My office organised one of these Secret Santa events and I drew out a name from the hat. Considering I was relatively new to the role, I was a bit confused as to what I should buy for said individual as I didn’t think I had known her long enough to know what she would like.

Nevertheless, I went ahead and got what I felt she would like with the relatively little knowledge I had about her, wrapped her gift and dropped it in the bag.

On the day of our Christmas drinks, I picked my gift (which someone else had secretly bought for me) and opened it when I got back to my hotel room. Lo and Behold, it was something similar to what I bought for my partner. I was thrilled! What were the odds? I was even more elated because I liked what I got for my partner so I was quite happy to receive it in return.

This got me thinking about life in general. What if we got the same attitude, responses, treatment we gave out to others? Would we be happy to be treated the exact way we treat each other? Would we be encouraged and feel treasured if we were talked to in the same manner we talk to others. Would you be happy if someone talked about you the same way you talked about others?

This gave me food for thought and I hope it does too. I believe the New Year is a perfect time to look inwards and make lasting changes.

I strongly believe that if everyone took a step back for a few seconds to evaluate what we were giving out, perhaps the world would not be in the mess we seem to be in.

There would be fewer killings, crimes, bullying, marital disharmony and sadness if we just stopped to think how we would feel if the tables were turned.

A better world starts with you. Think about it…

Have a fruitful new week

Love,

Chika

Image credit: outboxdocuments.co.uk