Tag Archives: love

Declutter for a better life

08 Sunday Feb 2015

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“When you grow up and learn a few things, you are no longer afraid of letting go… no longer afraid of the unknown” – Beyonce

I found this quote on the Facebook page of one of my secondary schoolmates and added my bit to the original quote, which now goes thus;

“When you grow up and learn a few things, you are no longer afraid of letting go… no longer afraid of the unknown and that’s when magic usually happens.” – Chika Efobi

The idea for this post came to me about 6 months ago when I was “spring cleaning” my room. Those who are close to me would know I am a kind of hoarder. Hoarder, not in the sense of not being able to bin/ let go of personal items, but in the sense that I tend to keep personal items such as jewelry, shoes, etc. in their original packaging and in cases of items I use more often, I save their boxes in case I need them in future for moving house etc.

On one hand, the practice means that most of these items are in near-perfect condition with resalable value for if/when I want to sell them on eBay or give out to family/friends. On the other hand this means that my personal space is always filled with boxes of varying sizes, occupying space, marking time for when I decide to get rid of the items. This has gone on for years and sometimes I end up forgetting that some of the items even exist until when I actually need them.

So on this day, six months ago, I decided to take on the task of de-cluttering my personal space and what a task it was! Boxes got thrown out, pieces of jewelry got rearranged and old shoes went. I even found a box for a pedometer, which I hardly use (I wonder what I was saving that one for…lol).

When I finally finished clearing out the boxes, I looked round my space and it felt airy, clean and light. It certainly smelt a bit better too! (not like my space smells…hey stop that thought!) People who have ever de-cluttered would know what I mean.

This got me thinking about life in general, “Are there people we are holding on to that do not necessarily add value to us?” Do we have friends and people in our lives that do not do anything for us but take up space and crowd our lives with unhelpful words, drama and negativity? Are we holding on to someone similar to that pedometer box which did absolutely nothing for me? Perhaps this is the time to let go, cut them off or even let them know how they could start adding more value?

Perhaps, the first step could be to have an honest conversation with yourself, after which you should be able to identify which friendships and relationships, which you should cut off to make your life less complicated and more beautiful.

Don’t get me wrong, this process is not in the least easy. It may seem painful, especially if you have convinced yourself over a period of time that you need these friendships/relationships but trust me, once you have done this exercise, you would experience some kind of peace which passes all understanding.

I hope you have a fulfilling week.

Love,

Chika

Image credit: http://www.simplify101.com/

Happy New Year!!!

04 Saturday Jan 2014

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blue sky

“There is no such thing as a grey day, the sky is always blue. Sometimes there are grey clouds, in front of the blue sky so we say the sky is grey today but never… The sky is always blue” – Marianne Williamson

Hi friends,
This is to remind you that just as the blue skies seem hidden behind the grey clouds, your life is always beautiful and brilliant. All you need to do is open your eyes and heart to see.

Have a fulfilling and blessed 2014

Love,
Chika

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The Way of Kindness

28 Tuesday May 2013

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You can never do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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The Myth of Happiness

15 Wednesday May 2013

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Happiness

“Those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness.”- John Stuart Mill

A lot of us go through our lives searching for happiness – that perfect state of mind filled with utmost joy, only likened to flying without wings. We condition ourselves to believe that once we get that thing we desire, be it a new job, promotion at work or even get married, our lives would be just perfect and we would have nothing else to worry about.

So we spend each waking day fully focused on the fulfillment of this goal, toiling really hard only to be rudely surprised that we are back to the same state of unhappiness just weeks, even days after reaching our goal.

Like junkies, craving for the next high, we set even more lofty goals, work even harder, achieve them and then find out that we are back to the same point, the cycle continues…

This reminds me of the time I was studying for my Masters Degree. I had set myself a target to earn a Distinction in my course of study. I worked so hard, denied myself of many pleasures, spent countless hours in the library and computer lab (to the extent that the out-of-hours security men did not need to see my ID to sign me in, because I was a known face there). When I finally reached my goal, I was surprised at how quickly the thrill of earning a distinction faded. It took just days for another reality to set in – I needed to get a job. So the cycle began again…

What I quickly found out on looking back is that life seemed to be filled with series of short highs and many lows made up essentially of chasing these highs. I literarily didn’t give myself the chance to be fully happy and content with what I had.

On further interaction with people and research into this subject, I found out that this behavior was not at all unique to me. A lot of us have busied ourselves with the idea that we would be happy once we achieve our goals (see related story here). We have equated happiness to a destination and strive so hard to reach it. Little wonder why there is a rising number of depressed people over the world. It is said that a shocking number of 121 million people worldwide (based on 2011 data BioMed Central 2011, July 26) are depressed and this depression is tied to discontent with their current life.

While some cases contributing to these figures could be as a result of serious mental illness, I can’t help but wonder if some of these cases could actually be avoided just by altering the way we think and approach our goals.

Rather than living life in short bursts of happiness, perhaps a more fulfilling way to live could be by realizing that happiness is a journey and then living life with more focus on gratitude and enjoying that which we have in the now.

Perhaps it would be better to think, “Well… I don’t have the perfect job now but I will do my best with the one I have and enjoy the family I have been blessed with” or “I am not a perfect 8 but I am alive and I do not need a tube to feed” or even, “I don’t have all the money I could do with, but I sure can dance to this lovely tune without help from medical practitioners”.

Once you start thinking this way, you would be surprised and perhaps even pleased that as you dwell on being thankful for what you have, your mind would bring to your memory even more reasons to be thankful. Before long, you would be surprised at the abundance of things in your life that you have overlooked in the past. This in turn creates excitement and a positive energy and dare I say, a certain spark.

This excitement would then affect your outlook on life and give you the zeal to work towards your goals, not from a frustrated place but from a place of immense joy and thankfulness.

Till you read from me again.
Do enjoy the rest of your week

Image credit: Charles Schulz, Charlie Brown

Heart Matters

19 Friday Apr 2013

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heart picture

“Our heart is like a bottle of perfume. If you keep it always open, soon you will lose your fragrance. If you never open it, nobody would know the fragrance inside it.”

– Anonymous

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Desiderata

11 Monday Feb 2013

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Desiderata

I had just finished what I would call a late dinner when I stumbled on Desiderata, written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann. I found it on a blog called “Logos con carne” which is owned by Wyrd Smythe. See his blog page here . I found Desiderata to be very deep and thought it wise to share. (I am surprised that I had not stumbled onto it before now).

Enjoy below…
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Desiderata

“Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its shams, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.”

~Max Ehrmann, 1927

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Little Lady Love

31 Thursday Jan 2013

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lady love

“To know even one life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

It feels like ages since I made a post here. I have been “swamped” with work, professional exams and life in general. Not a very good excuse…I know and I am sorry.

The core point of this post is not new; it has been written so many times, by different writers and wise people but please stick with me, as I intend to use a personal experience to further emphasize my point.

I tend to walk into high street stores over my lunch break to “entertain my eyes” and “burn some calories”. My “exercise routine” takes me to clothing, jewellery, perfume and book stores. In order to avoid unnecessary impulse spending, I tend to leave my purse at work to stop me from coming out of these stores with bags of stuff. This approach does not always work as some days I end up seeing something that keeps me awake at night and eventually go back into the store to buy it anyway. One recent example is my lovely new bag…

Click here for my blog post based on a yet another lunch time shopping experience I recently had.

Okay back to topic!

A week ago, I was on one my “lunch time exercise routines”. I did not feel particularly jolly that afternoon so I decided to go into Poundland to grab some cans of diet coke. (For people who don’t know, Poundland is a store where essentially everything is one pound. Sometimes you get multi-buy offers such as “3 for 1 pound” on packs of chocolates, drinks etc.)

After grabbing my drinks, I decided to check out what else was on offer, you never know, someday I could find a brand new Range Rover there (I wish). After pacing around for 5 more minutes, I decided that nothing else interested me, so I went straight to the till to pay for my items. As expected, there was a long queue, so I mentally gauged the queue and checked my wristwatch to see if I would make it back to work on time and decided to carry on waiting. While waiting, I noticed that the queue did not seem to be moving, so I looked ahead and noticed the shop attendant, a middle aged woman, struggling with her till. As expected, people in front of me started to get impatient, some had started grumbling and other faster ones quickly moved to other queues. As they did this, my queue got shorter so I moved forward.

After a while, the shop attendant fixed her till and continued attending to people. I was very glad about this and silently thankful to the impatient ones who left my queue to join other queues.

My queue continued moving and at this point, it was the turn of the lady right in front of me. I observed the exchange, noting that the shop attendant still looked very flustered by the broken till incident. She apologised for the delay and quickly packed up the lady’s things. While the shop attendant packed the lady’s purchases, I heard the lady compliment the shop attendant on her necklace. The shop attendant looked up with a very wide smile and said, “Thank you”. I don’t know how to explain in words, but seeing the shop attendant’s mood swiftly change from being flustered to that of pure joy really affected me. I stepped forward as the shop attendant looked after the lady while she walked away, with the beautiful smile still on her face.

I stepped out of the shop, looked across the street and saw some valentine’s day posters but my mind kept going back to what happened earlier in the shop and I thought to myself, “That was love right there”.

Clearly, the shop attendant was not having a good day but the lady, rather than moan about her long wait, chose to show her love with that tiny compliment, which I believe must have made the shop attendant’s day or hour, at least. Do you know the most beautiful thing about that action? It cost her absolutely nothing. Not one single dime. All it cost the lady were the one or two seconds it took her to say those words, “Beautiful necklace”. Think of all the difference those two words made.

It is the last day of January, and we all know that February is regarded as the month of love. I patiently wait to see how couples would try to express their love for each other. While we get carried away by valentine’s day and all the fanfare it comes with, perhaps it is also important to step back a little bit, to really consider what love should be. Perhaps we would see that it doesn’t have too cost much to show true love to one another. That single word, “Thank you”, that little compliment, “Nice tie”, that short phone call to know how your loved one is doing. That “How are you doing Jim?” to the security guard or cleaner at work.

Those two hours, out of your “busy schedule” to show your wife, partner or children that you care. Tiny little acts of love such as these could probably go a much longer way than choosing just one day to make a grand expression of love.
When we get back to the basics, we would see that such simple acts of love have the potential to reach places where time and money cannot. If anything, they have the potential to actually add to our joy, peace of mind, and total well-being.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please feel free to leave your comments and share with your friends.

Have a fulfilling weekend ahead.

Image credit: keturahweathers.theworldrace.org